I am so, so, so lucky to have my mum. I think about that a lot. My mum is with me and supports me through everything, and I truly don’t know what my life would’ve looked like if she hadn’t been there. It’s kind of hard to explain, because we do have a very different relationship to a lot of mums and daughters out there. I think partly it’s because I’m autistic, and from my experience, a lot of autistic individuals have very different relationships with their parents to others. Especially, it seems, girls. Again, I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because I’ve just needed more support in general, or maybe it’s because my social and emotional development have been very different (so it’s been more of a journey for my mum and I to go on together), or maybe it’s just because all my relationships with people I care about are much more intense (often like best friendships). I don’t know. But my mum is like my best friend, and thinking about that a lot recently has made me want to explain exactly why she is such an inspiration to me.
My mum never stops loving me. When I am unkind, she forgives me, and when I make mistakes, she looks past them. She shows me love and kindness, even when times are hard. I know I can be honest with her and that she won’t judge me, and will still be there for me. We do argue, we do fight – she’s passionate, like me, and so we can even end up screaming at eachother. We’ve been violent with eachother. And we often swear at eachother. But we have so much love for eachother too.
My mum has taught me lots of things. I have fond memories of baking together, and when I was young she made it her mission to give us the best in life, even with limited time and resources, as a single parent. We would go to museums, to the theatre, we had holidays..we spent weekends going to the library, riding our bikes, building things out of bits of recycling with sellotape and PVA. She is responsible for a lot of my knowledge of films, shows, and music. She has also taught me kindness, and honesty, and determination. She has taught me to care about others. She has always taught me to try my best. I could go on, and on.
My mum and I love doing things together. We have lots of shared interests and hobbies, like going to gigs, musicals, and travelling. We both like cooking, and eating. But we also just like to spend time together. We like to hear eachother’s thoughts and opinions, and we like to help eachother with our individual endeavours. We love to find series to watch together, and to bake cakes for people together. We just like eating a meal together.
My mum has always supported me to achieve my goals, my dreams, my ambitions – and that’s taken many forms. Small things like helping me with my crazy art or food-reviewing projects, but also, when I’ve been stuck in a very hard place with my physical health, being there to wash my hair, tie my shoe laces, drive through the middle of the night.
My mum has fought for me throughout my life. And she has had to fight hard. She has had to argue with doctors, with social workers, with teachers, even with others in our family, to help me. Because of my disabilities and mental health issues I’ve often been in very tricky situations – be it fighting for my freedom and my rights, or just for me to be understood. She has been, and remains, my voice when I can’t speak. She has so much belief in me, even when life seems hopeless. When I have been incredibly ill, she has defended me and backed my resolve to recover myself, no matter what others have said. She would do anything to protect me. She is a true ‘mother bear’.
And yet, there’s more to it than that. My mum is also an inspiration to me because she is someone I aspire to be like. She has flaws, like anyone, and I am too quick, often, to point them out – but she is also a truly brilliant, remarkable woman.
My mum is loyal to those she cares about, and will do anything for them. She sacrifices herself constantly and is very generous, and will put herself through so much pain, time, even personal expense, for good causes. She hates any kind of injustice.
My mum perseveres and fights to make things work. She never gives up and is relentless in her approach to any task. She always tries to find a solution, even if it means putting in a lot more effort..she very often achieves the impossible.
My mum is interested and curious. Even if she’s not particularly interested in a certain topic – she loves to learn about everything. She asks questions, wants to understand things. She especially likes to understand people and learn about people.
My mum is resilient and strong, emotionally. She feels things so powerfully, and yet somehow, even when those feelings are pain, and sadness..she fights through. She has had to cope with some of the most difficult things, and yet she has somehow managed.
My mum has really lived life. Partly because she can be quite flexible and spontaneous, but also because of all the qualities I have listed above, she has experienced so many things. She has travelled lots, she has eaten many different foods, she has talked to many different people, she has learnt so many things, she has seen, heard, tasted, EXPERIENCED so many things. She has done so many things! And I don’t mean like getting the highest qualifications, or some amazing job, or whatever. It’s not about being top, or the best. It’s about having stories to tell, and an appreciation of the world.
One day, I hope I can show my gratitude to my mum. I know in part that the only way to do this is to make her proud by recovering and living life myself – which there is a strange beauty to, right? A mother – or father – finding fulfilment in their children succeeding in life and being happy, however that looks like. I have spent so many years of my life ill, hurting myself, and I can only imagine how painful that has been for her. I spend money on gifts, I crochet and draw her things, but nothing can really repay her for all she has done. And nothing can really show her how amazing she is. I try to tell her – but, much like this attempt at articulating it through words – can really capture it. She is beyond incredible. Some people are inspired by famous scientists, artists, actors, poets, writers, historians, political figures. Others find inspiration in teachers, or their friends, or their grandparents. And I am inspired by people from some of these other parts of my life. But the person who, without a doubt, will always inspire me the most, and the person who I owe my life to, is my mum.