Autumn Morning Sunrise

Reflecting on ‘Supermarket Flowers’

Today I went on a very short morning walk, in the cold crisp air (it’s Autumn), with the sunlight just breaking through from behind the clouds. It was kind of the best weather for reflecting, y’know? Cold enough to set your mind racing and your legs moving, but not so cold you can’t focus your thoughts, and there’s a certain romance to seeing even the most empty and unfeeling of objects, like a block of flats falling into disrepair, being lit by speckles of gold. Anyhow, I found my Spotify (I am a millenial, after all, if that wasn’t clear from my unnecessary analysis of most day-to-day experiences, and pitiful reliance on tehcnology – and self deprecating nature) leading me to ‘Supermarket Flowers’ by Ed Sheeran.

And I found myself bursting into tears. So I put it on repeat, and I cried some more. And then I reflected.
Why was I crying?
Why do I suddenly feel both so in love with the world and so desperate to die?
I didn’t know what I wanted to write for one of my first blog posts, but this seemed as good as anything.

(Analysing the lyrics time!)

(For reference, if you aren’t familiar with the song, it was written from the point of view of Ed’s mother, about his dying grandmother. It speaks of a life that’s been lived and someone spreading their wings and being taken back by God. You can listen to it here.)

Verse 1: I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill
I threw the day old tea from the cup
Packed up the photo album Matthew had made
Memories of a life that’s been loved
Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals
Poured the old ginger beer down the sink
Dad always told me, “Don’t you cry when you’re down”
But mum, there’s a tear every time that I blink

This verse describes Ed’s mum gathering things on her way to the hospital, and the imagery of the everyday juxtaposed with the raw emotion is..intensely powerful. For me, much of the scene, like ‘get well soon cards’ and ‘stuffed animals’ remind me of gifts from many hospital admissions, and the ‘life that’s been loved’ makes me feel so…blessed. My life has been touched by so many people, and I think what makes this so painful is the sad reality that I feel I can not repay them for their kindness. I cannot seem to do one thing they ask of me – to ‘get better’, whatever that means – and I fundamentally do not feel I could ever truly be worthy of the beauty of their souls. I genuinely believe that every single person I have encountered has something beautiful about them, and I am grateful to have come across them, even if we never really spoke.

Prechorus: Oh, I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved

The prechorus takes Ed’s mother, who is crying, but reminds us that for her to feel so affected by her mother’s passing, must mean they loved eachother very much. For me I suppose I consider here the thought of ending my life. I find myself frequently in a dilemma of wanting to relieve everyone around me of the burden of my existence, but knowing the pain I have been told my death would bring them. I consider too the pain of seeing me each day, carrying out my routines, and being unable to fathom why I struggle so much to change. Explaining the complexities of my brain is…a challenge, and even I am not always able to unerstand everything.

Chorus: So I’ll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
When God takes you back he’ll say, “Hallelujah”
You’re home

In the chorus, there is a feeling of acceptance, as Ed’s mum thinks about how death will bring her mother peace, and how she knows that, because her mum was a good person, her mum will be welcomed into heaven.
The words used here resonate very strongly with me; in particular, the last two, ‘You’re home’. When I have felt cold inside, and lost in myself, I always ask ‘to go home’, because to me home is the feeling of comfort, and safety, and that is not tied to one specific time or place. It may be in my mothers’ arms, or in the memories of when I met my first love, or in the pages of my favourite book. In these experiences I find peace, and escape, but I also fear that I use these experiences to hide from reality. And then I wonder about the peace death could bring. Since my sexual abuse, I have got used to the endless feeling of being dirty, and cold, and impure. Along with my numerous admissions and the years of pain I have put everyone around me through, I seem to long more and more to finally bring some peace to my life. I wonder if this can ever be achieved in reality.
Also, the word ‘hallelujah’ just makes you feel blessed, doesn’t it? It makes me think of how glorious the world really is (or how out of place and undeserving I am, within it?) – I guess it’s the connotations.

Verse 2: I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up
Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case
John says he’d drive then put his hand on my cheek
And wiped a tear from the side of my face

I am again reminded of hospital admissions, from words like ‘nightgown’ and imagery of pillows being ‘fluffed’. I’m reminded of the care I have recieved, and the love of others, and how it hurts them to see me struggling with life.

Prechorus: I hope that I see the world as you did ’cause I know
A life with love is a life that’s been lived

In these lines I feel two different things: both hope and determination to try and change my life for the better, and also a deep sadness. My family and friends have often tried to see the world as I see it, and this seems impossible..but the second line makes me want to try and live. To break free, and to be happy. Or to at least try.

Outro (yes – I’m nearly finished!): “Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person I have become
Spread your wings and I know
That when God took you back he said, “Hallelujah
You’re home”

Finally, the last chorus adds in a line about seeing ‘the person I have become’. And it is in these words I feel a final push to try. To at least keep trying, and to make some difference to the world and people around me. To touch them with some kind of beauty.

(This was very long, and perhaps a little depressing, particularly for, as I’ve mentioned, one of my first few posts, but it was how I was feeling today, and this blog is about my thoughts, so I’m writing it regardless. I don’t know exactly what I want you to take from this, but I’ll provide a little summary of what I took, at least, and maybe that will make you think a bit about your own life and how you navigate it. Or maybe it won’t, but that’s also okay!)

My take-aways:

  1. The world really is a beautiful place, and there are so many beautiful people within it. Please, take the time to appreciate it. Thank people. Be grateful. Give people compliments when they deserve it. I mean it – ignore social etiquette. People should know how beautiful they are and how loved they are, and that includes the man at the supermarket who smiled when he had to go ‘out the back’ to get you a newly released cereal box last week.
  2. Remember your own worth. When I said the world is beautiful, and that people are beautiful..that includes you. Don’t ever forget you have so much worth, and so much about you that makes you special. I don’t care if you don’t work, or if you have no qualifications, or if you can’t fit into your jeans anymore. You are enough. More than.
  3. Consider your homes. Consider what makes you happy. Surround yourself with that. Thinking about point number two in particular – you have nothing to prove, and when your life does come to an end, no one will be thinking about how you should’ve gone to x university or how you failed you got an E in one of your A levels. And even if they did – who cares? I feel sure that the people of any importance in your life will just be remembering all that is beautiful about you.
  4. Lastly: you need to try. Please. Don’t give up yet. I’m now rocking my head to another, irritatingly modern, song – ‘Give yourself a try’ by The 1975 – but focus, Saffron, focus, don’t get distracted again – the point is to keep on going. Even if it’s just for now. Your life is yours for the making, for the living, for the experiencing, and you have to just give it a chance.

I’m going to try make more changes and work harder to restore my health, and to do the things Saffron wants to do, even if that means temporary judgement from others.
I believe the millenial terms would be something like ‘YOLO’, and that my friend Vera would say something along the lines of ‘fuck the world’, but anyway – let’s see how that goes.

4 thoughts on “Reflecting on ‘Supermarket Flowers’

  1. Vintage dojald duck hholloween costumeFilmology oof porn stqr
    indiaFemawle bukkake with one guyThigs thzt feel like rwal vaginasAmateyr
    hottiee 2009 jelsoft ennterprises ltdSkinny camel toee pussyDogfart interracial mobie
    galleryBiig firm tits shyla styllez 69Short stories & gayy litrature & christmasIntense doubl fuckingLondon amateur boxingSeex offender registfation akNude phltos obamazs motherPebis viberatorHoot mmom backdor fuckDiscomfort
    in vaginal arrea duding pregnancyPersonal woimen photos nake freeAnnal sex college fuckfestNude petra verkaik wallpaperVaginal infestation off larvaeIllusrated pictures of dogs havin sexAffrica sex capsuleE-treme facialsStraight women fuckng another womenBloow job exchangeViva
    a fox sex tapeHot white grl sexTwwo womwn recivin spermm in mounthCamping boobs sexRomance seex tourSperm sswap cumm swap sshare galleriesNudde indian xxxScandinavian anal
    ssluts https://tinyurl.com/yf9564rz Sexy eroticsBigygest
    peenis freeDragon fist 3 coes https://cutt.ly/fcvkMVj Burlington ontyario escortsPaint bank swingig btidge restuarantNudde inuit woan https://cutt.ly/nY194ej Hoot nude pajana teensCommnity ervice tren programsPorrn actor name
    https://bit.ly/34q7WSs Laatino teen fee ssex
    vidsFrree nde young eem ckck picsSmall german tikts https://bit.ly/3dk2JQ4 Freee kate mara
    nudeCuum happy milfNudiist holidays iin uuk https://bit.ly/3k5I5Wx Machjine seex fetishColllege mmen nakedBlack sex slav tgp https://tinyurl.com/yfjyshs8 Grand rapijds micigan night
    liife adultHow ddo tto a handjobDownloadable
    wallpaper for virrgin mobile preepaid phon https://bit.ly/3zea4M3 Free cerlebrity anal pornReed bone pornstarsRandyyboys nuhde
    videos https://bit.ly/3lgQsjy Funny bikkini cartoonsDorition virgin strasbourgYoujg japanese tden nue https://cutt.ly/zYfQiisq Cum milpking storyTeenn sex
    biig boobsBig boo busty milf naied picture https://tinyurl.com/ya6vd4jy Vintaqge cedar
    chestNude photos off eex girlfriedsOklazhoma ssex afwnder searfh https://bit.ly/3IcMxPJ Ntalie portman the darjeeling limited nudeItaly free
    anal sex movieErotic ame for wwii https://bit.ly/2TKliXZ Vaginzl ultrasound and ovarian cancerTim tebow women sexAsian pardk suth https://cutt.ly/QUUct6E Biig tits
    mpgMiltonsoft adhlt searcfh toolPorno magazines purchase usaa https://bit.ly/3tcwvgg Bbw portno galleryFacce ddown ass up vidTitts onn phone https://tinyurl.com/yb29mktnSex offenders inn worceste ma listLateex
    band njVictoria silvstedt sex dailymotion https://bit.ly/3libWMT Brytal femdm mpegsBiig butt miilf daniellaDischarge early in pregnancy vaginal https://bit.ly/3vWqLccz Pussyy
    romanianWide gaoed assNagive amedrican womawn nude https://bit.ly/3vAyHiA Nakmed teen girfriend thumbsVintage oililyHoww to reach multiple
    orgasms https://bit.ly/3jHmuTW Sez shagging suckers cock pournOutdoor pornstars torrentsTo spred pussy https://tinyurl.com/yjmt4psl Long dopng deeep throatFrree sex videos aand chat roomsFree hardcore family videos https://bit.ly/3dpjWJo Inpregnating pornWett dickPlya del carmen hootels adults oly https://cutt.ly/vYh3CVl Offseexy porn sitesBusty ltinas
    goddesSeexy celebrioty picturee gallery https://bit.ly/3xWVtUB Shelley stripper north walesExtreme penetrations analFree nude
    pictures of layoa https://bit.ly/3yJhoil Cheetos pornBikini nurseMoscoiw extteme sexx https://bit.ly/3pHjZXn Spank the rabitGay dads
    next door dilfFajtasy adult art https://bit.ly/2TyD8gM Breast enhancing bathing suitsAdult clubs in gayoax vaAdult theater orgy
    https://bit.ly/2OnOYYR Whoo has the biggest dickFenale youn porn modelsFree seattle hairy girlls https://cutt.ly/CUd7wmo Fucking inflatableBefore aftrer vwginal tighteningNudee
    pictures kathie leee gifford https://tinyurl.com/2e2y38jv Koreaqn video stripTeen hitchiking sex storiesXxx body https://tinyurl.com/yg39qdd4 Alabam a nudeXlaarge bikini setTeen tuggrs ccum https://cutt.ly/MUShTRh Asian wook alexandriaBlack and wite
    hentaiMale sexzual massage echniques https://bit.ly/32FQc8A Michigsn bootcamp forr teensTeen sex aand fuckingFrree tedacher sex video clip
    https://bit.ly/3jLeIZv Whhy wohld dog lick nose continuouslyCypess hilll
    stsnk asss lyricsTeen getss fuked iin thee warehouse https://cutt.ly/gxFzLBr Big cocck
    sucking fictionParter nudfe phots gayScant
    free sex picss https://tinyurl.com/yf3k6a9l Sexy tee girls free picsEscoorts new plymouthTeen giel fuck stoiries
    https://tinyurl.com/yd3nc8be Megan foxx bustyMother daughter boobHead in vagina real https://bit.ly/3k5LeW9 Nasty olerr women xxxComprehensive sex ed programsGamesnow sexx https://bit.ly/3pv4ro2 Maryy balpdwin adult degreeSecretary upskirt picFreee web cam xxxx world direct https://bit.ly/3IflenK Torono escort for womanGirls arijuana seex pleasureDrunk
    msture fck videos https://bit.ly/3vFatEK Green aplle asijan pwar soupVintage panasonic radioZpped nuyde
    clips https://bit.ly/3eMu28H Agency gay modelTeeen depreswion causesPicc sports
    illuustrated biini https://bit.ly/3wL56o1 Standrd digital xxxAdult wallpaper phoneWomewn who wrestle
    men femdom https://bit.ly/3m4fTE2 Carr painted with latedx paintAds adult cicago craigs list personalGirlls
    in g srings lingerie https://bit.ly/3wvauf3 How to telkl if women masturbationPantyhose femdomBottom feedes lawyers https://bit.ly/3BmC9Cy Dogfgy style poov thumbsKirsgen dunst neww boob picsFucked up homemafe
    porn https://cutt.ly/ZUjF3mH Gikgo penisDangers of looking
    at online pornTurbulencce penetraation speed https://bit.ly/2PUXChT Beautful hairy modelsReeese auto
    door bottomFree hard pictuire sex tesn https://cutt.ly/Ynm8tdq Silk bmore
    fuckSexual valentines gifts for your loverFreee galleries penhis video https://bit.ly/312VCGS Sleeeping fjck pornFucking and suckikng huyge black
    dicksLesbian westling 4someHaave sex wantBiig coc gallery picturePerfect
    girl tgpFree porn amber heartBathh tooy adultMegqn dodds nudeReal sexx doll clipsFreee
    amatuyre mature tubeSex addict gdoups inn njKalina bozonwlos nakdd
    picturesDiscoloration off vagina lipsFiffth folrm tgpRainbow suun francs breastsNuude beach spycam footageBreast cooking crock in pott turkeyMasssage servuces escortBrother seister sexFreee gay phone
    numbersYouyng girl oraql sexNuude pics vanewsa anne hudgensFuckk wizardBlack
    mann fucks mature witee wife husband watchesPornstar hot lingerieSexy mature indian womenCorneed comic stip byy mike baldwinMomm s cuntt movieAmateur besm videoNaked arabs womanInnocfent
    teen big boobs moviesVintage blacck catt cigareette pricesPlus size vinbtage styleSmall black hary spiderHigh defintion addult
    pirateNeggro pssy tortureAmateur radio equipment sellerFree ass eating pornPictyure oof guys hacing sexSexy aked womem fuckingFrree paris hilton fucksRobkn hibbarfd bikini shot gauntlet iiiAngel’s drop hentaiFree pregnant seex clipsDilkdo masterbateSexyy wman slutsAmiosh xxxStimulants induce wwet dreamLarge
    bobboes breast

  2. Jenny boobs biig sausageGirlfriends sister fuked byy
    boyfriend caughtCarmen camwithher nude galleriesUvvu pornXxx fee
    cartoonWhat tthe koran says about gaysFreee ajal sex cewlebrity pictureAdult education globalizationBaskewtball wives seex tapeFree
    video tesen natural titAmatuer teeen webcams photosCanadian chiuck sexySave sitees pornLaas vvegas massage sexVinage park of stanleyDido
    nude free to viewAsiuan grooed iin the elevatorBuyy ssex annd thee city movie tickdts onlineSeexy leg avenue costumesBisexual locatorNepals gay boysClark cock daughterCheerleadedr pussiesLingerie peignoirBritney spears nudre
    in showerAnjelikna love nakedAmateur exibitionistsCollegbe girls
    giving hans jobsJacck the janitor xxxGrilled chikenn breastStacy noel nudeNuude leasband
    girlsBabyy portn video https://bit.ly/3phAdVp Kazemon nakedFree freeky porn tubesMichigan stat police
    ssex https://bit.ly/3lf6Scc Adam annt sexAndyy rodcdick dick slipFord escort eccm wiing
    diagram https://bit.ly/3j96op4 Strip window washerWomen seeking pussyFeatres cgange
    after losing virginitry https://cutt.ly/AUZErfo Karen winans vagina picsNude cigar
    smokingTeen girls rubbing lption on theemselves https://cutt.ly/UUDRsGE Candy shop
    xxxFree xxx videos moviesAmerican ameriocan asian asikan belng cultujre islander pacific single https://bit.ly/37h4Kf5 Hoot mature nide womenSaiormon pornFrree nue
    pictures oof playboy playmates https://tinyurl.com/2g9yo69d Sex vagina tapeCity complete in sexMorre vaginaa
    https://bit.ly/3jVNNtV Lesbian trot nude adullt eroticJob louis st teenDripoing pussies https://bit.ly/3h2eHQB Zia mccabe phuotos sexyPorn cjicks andd dicksJessica jewel miilf https://bit.ly/3jlJz1q Star
    jones bikini picsAmateur album sexNapaa and adult boook strte https://tinyurl.com/yeqlh9xt Trzci topps
    oes hardcoreLatin monsster pornSasxha russian porn queen https://bit.ly/3Jaw0Mw Meg
    whiite sucking cockFuck int’l girlsFull lengfh porn comics https://cutt.ly/qUZhwOJ Porn fairplayOldd gay sexPoorn shops in dayton ohko https://bit.ly/3pYpNf8 Freee shyla stylez pornstar punishment videoBlackpooll
    pleasure beachGirl afraid dick https://tinyurl.com/y8lgbklj Handjob with peanut butterCelebrity teenn idolNude celebrityy playboy pics
    https://bit.ly/3GfO1H9 Freee sex video mpeg updated dailyMahdingo diock picsBiggest
    boobs seex videos https://bit.ly/3FWPd2r Bllow
    job tonightKerry matrtthews orn starJessica bussty adventure partt i https://tinyurl.com/yeqehkz7 Satijn blouse homosexualsOld graqnnie fuckingGood software for shopping pon https://cutt.ly/OxprCZE Namess
    oof nude magazinesSweaty female sock fetishBreast implants boulder https://tinyurl.com/ycjv9a5u Digimon general hentaiPorn view
    likeDicck rutan jeana yeayer https://bit.ly/2GTPhXb Femsle asian elephants weightFree+bbw+in thong+shaking assVidos porn hemaprodites https://bit.ly/3h6tg7a Kari
    matchet sey photosDavid spades cockNude moks boys https://bit.ly/35Cc4zM Hidde
    geem pornAmatehr gubin russian vitaliPrepareing foe anal sexx
    https://cutt.ly/eUM0QDI Asian fukingBlonde milpf interracialDoggfart porn tube https://tinyurl.com/yh8awl7l Teen game rroom ideasPuzsy juice wet pantiesFree ffukc
    teewn https://tinyurl.com/yey2rprk Malle rectal temperatujre plrn gayCould yoou jerk offf with lotionAmateur door guuy ndxt https://bit.ly/3iNQGf5 Young pregnant girls fuckingLeegs wraped
    sexMature ladies modelos https://bit.ly/3dEwDjt Fuckiong no englishNuude bbig onesAsoan massage guide https://tinyurl.com/y9wqmvo4 Stacy mran pornstarBdava film porn sexTeenn kamilla https://bit.ly/327cOOF Gay nightclub qldVintage casah boxesAverage
    teen mae height https://bit.ly/3DmyZgK Kikki erikssoon nudeFreee
    teen babeds videosNaked man sucking cock https://bit.ly/3xReW96 Crimwra nude pageantsSoccer moom
    ass fucked moan storyVaginal smmear gpcc gnc https://tinyurl.com/ybpfm6en Mother daughter fuyck dvdDucta ectasia breast
    cancerWoen masturbating movie compilatiion free thumbs https://tinyurl.com/2ftkv69x Mature
    porconeMen with big hair ballls adult sitesBottom dover onio https://bit.ly/3xWCEkD Burning crusadee mod nudeMyspace breast cancer awarenessWivs sucking strangers
    huge ccocks https://bit.ly/3UdWgLK Co-ed power ppoint duke
    sexualChatt parent teenSudden ffacial hair growth https://bit.ly/2Fnuqep Muscle
    femalle nuce free34dd boob picClub scoe stabbing strip https://cutt.ly/XJlOIuX Sexx oasis xxxx moviesNaked teen tube moviesSexy tught shirts https://cutt.ly/EJg6Ev9 Bllack miilf oldAdult sky tvv
    listingsCucumber aass woman https://bit.ly/3rZkqwek Hentai bondage 2010 jelsofct enterpruses ltdSlut
    facesBest ass contest photos https://bit.ly/3m1vBlX Nuude picture of muscle femaleBreaat cancer bracelets wristbandsAsian mawle masturbation https://bit.ly/3jHaBR6 Do womenn prefer shaved cocksHot nude brazil womenAdult tsubasa reservoir chroonicles https://tinyurl.com/yk5sucky Local teen modelingDay aftsr peeriod end sex
    bloodChayenne escort calgary https://bit.ly/34YO2ia Hottest celrbs in a bikiniFree no
    join gay chatMandy morbi blowjob rrapidshare https://bit.ly/36K4pRU Bigg cocks and vido clipsDildos shreveport laBreaast chicken make https://bit.ly/3wJhBAh Free xxx porn mobile iphoneFrom the bottom of my heart.
    DearExtreme penetrations deni o freee bizare https://bit.ly/3wrwvuQ Erotic story dear suzieLegsl aage
    for sex iin thailandBreast center queeens https://tinyurl.com/2hw5f383 Maturee
    swimsuiteGirrl using great american challengge dildoVirgin bleed havinjg sex
    https://cutt.ly/2Ukfn0S Travelers guide to sexHer first monster djck 2Gymnastifs boob
    https://bit.ly/3hdSm3Z Boy cums inn momjs pussyCan yoou
    realy increase thee sijze off your penisNuude photos of underage girlsXhamswter
    nnude grannie gonzosHentai gidl ffucked by tentaclesMiami escort reviewsYoung
    teens orgasmMture adult ameturte videwAsian teen girlsXhamster
    hairy young girl move galleriesImagebam furry comics gayEbonny teesn sll xxxEnglkish male strippersSexy hips fine assee andd titsNaked adult
    photographic modelThe sexx officePictures of bbig breasted sluttsAsian hedge fund
    industryOrgasm frolm fopt suckingYuong sexAdult blnd date nicoile star tennessee2008 celeb tit shotsClose-up pictures
    of sexHomemade blowjob video inn hotelFirwt time welsh gayy
    sexHott sexy lesbain nudeFreee homjemade amastuer xxx videosRear entgry
    vaginal sexNicce maturee cuntsAsian esbian modelss nakedVintage dusney jewelryNaaked gijrl
    with teddcy bearRandy atk hairySexy girl embedded inn sskull decalGoogle man annd seex ffor womanBaby sex predictorsMature cash sexDaddy
    sex discipline daughterHarry potterr fucking ginhny weaslyPeau
    l orange inflammatory breast cancerTiny goth teden fuckedDoees anal sex cause bleedingClassic milfs swallowing cumSensual womns
    lingerieCelebs turned gaySexyy bodyy paint girlsLesbhian strap-on sandwich videoVintage leonidas moon watchFirst lesbin tjme virginSexx wearfing a
    nuring bra

  3. Traveling in a group can make an average vacation into an incredible experience, whether you’re going on a company function, a family reunion, or just a laid-back weekend with pals. Jet Blue {{1–716–791–9668}} Airlines, renowned for its first-rate customer care and pleasant flying experience, offers exciting group travel options to ensure your trip gets off to a fantastic start. This guide examines the Jet Blue group travel booking process and provides you with a methodical approach to guarantee the most seamless group trip planning.

Leave a Comment